So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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