I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
