absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
