I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
