you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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