So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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