I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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