today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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