So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
