You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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