i just wanna soil my oats bro
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
