TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
