is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
