I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My pussy is not your playground.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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