you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
