Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
