she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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