Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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