I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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