I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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