ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
