She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
