my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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