You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
