she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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