I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Drake has all the answers
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
