Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
