I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if only i could text you this smell
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
