I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
