I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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