yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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