i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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