I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
