i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
