You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
