So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
