We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you would pick up someone in the library
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
