If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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