I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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