to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
