you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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