I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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