Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
