My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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