I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
