just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
