i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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