Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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