Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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