Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
someone get that fucking seahorse.
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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